Just another day at the Zoo
by J-Beany
Summary: Here at Kohona Zoo we have animals such as monkeys, pigs and sloths. To take care of them we have: Monkeys, pigs, and sloths.How does it work? It doesn't.  With the new team and animals arriving from Suna next week, its not only the animals competing...
1. Chapter 1

Just another day at the zoo...

**Here at Konoha zoo we have animals such as, Monkey's, Pigs and sloths. And to take care of them we have... Monkey..pigs.. and sloths. How does it work? It doesn't. Especially with the new Suna team and animals arriving next week. There's rivalry, competition for the alpha male position;but most importantly competition for that all important mate.**

Its morning in Konoha zoo, and in the lemur section, the male hides from the dominant female.

"NARUTO DID YOU LEAVE THE CAGES OPEN AGAIN!"

The male climbs the ropes in the cage eagerly trying make an escape from the female approaching.

The female cuts the rope with some big scissors.

And the male falls to the ground. Unconscious and questioning his manhood.

Sakura sighs, its the fifth time this week that Naruto has left the cages open. She might as well teach the monkeys how to do it .

She pulls out her radio from her pocket.

"Ino" the buzz of the radio interception sound is heard

"I need you down here...now-OVER"

"_Forehead girl, I repeat forehead girl, can you repeat the message again-OVER"_

Sakura grinds her teeth. Since when did they have radio names?

Two can play at this game.

"Ino pig, I repeat Ino pig, copy that, I need you down here NOW- OVER."

"_Forehead girl, I repeat FOREHEAD GIRL, I am busy actually feeding the pigs that are a SAKURA colour- OVER"_

"INO PIG, I repeat, INO PIG, the pigs don't need to be fed yet, and while you enjoy spending time in the morning with your family, YOU NEED TO GET YOU FRICKIN ASS HERE RIGHT NOW-Over and OUT"

Sakura clicked off the radio with a satisfying click before dragging a unconscious Naruto out the the cage.

As much as she would love to leave him in there...

xx xx

In the feeding section, the department manager: Chouji sat secretly eating the nuts and fruits he would supply to the animals later.

"CHOUJI!" Ino exclaimed as she came over with an empty bucket from the pigs

"It's muesli!" Chouji exclaims trying to hide the bucket.

She eyes him suspiciously... "Without milk?"She questions

"..uh..Yeah?" He says as Ino snatches the bucket off of him

Shikamaru viewing the scene, but not commenting on it approaches them.

"Ino" Shikamaru says half asleep " Sakura's been radioing everybody to find you...she sounds really mad..."

Ino Growls and storms angrily off, dropping Chouji's bucket in the process

Shikamaru sighs. These early morning's aren't doing any good for him.

Chouji on the other hand...

"My muesli!" He weeps kneeling at the fallen bucket.

"Don't cry over split milk, Chouji" Shikamaru pointedly says walking off and ignoring the death glares from his best friend.

"You can have Muesli without milk you know!"

xx xx

Wolf sanctuary:

"Kiba-kun.. are you you sure you can take a baby wolf... for a walk?"

"Of course I can" He smiles with his pointy teeth shining and patting Hinata halfheartedly on the back.

"It just like walking a dog" He says attempting to pick up the young wolf cub "I'll be back before you know it"

"I don't think that's a good idea.."

"Hinata" Kiba growls a little "I've been working with wolves since I was a baby, I know what I'm doing. Do you not trust my judgment?"

"Well, I do trust you, but Kiba-kun-"

"See nothing to worry about then!" Kiba grins as he dashes off towards the exit with his prize in hand

"-You're holding a piece of meat" Hinata finishes watching a group of wolves hunt after Kiba, and Kiba running for his life.

The wolf cub he was meant to take looks at Hinata, before cocking his head to the side questioningly and wagging his tail at her.

Xx xx

In the bird cages:

"...Lee what are you doing"

"Ahh Neji-san, Come join in my colourful feathers costume and dance"

"...No"

"But NEJI- san, Its important for the youthful mating of the.."

"Lee you're in the wrong cage"

"Oh"

"The vultures look scary don't they Neji"

"Yes"

"Maybe If I play dead they will leave me alone"

"..."

"Yes... you do that"

xx xx

Medical department:

"I don't understand how you are all hurt!" Sakura exclaims with her hand on her forehead in disbelief

"Well Neji-san got hurt, by his heroic rescue of me from the ugly birds that tried to wreck my youthful body..FOR NO REASON!"

"Yeah...No reason.." Neji drawls.

"Well that explains Neji and Lee, but what about you two?" She asks gesturing towards Hinata and Kiba.

"I fell down the stairs" Kiba blurts out

Sakura views them critically with their scratch and bite marks for a moment.

"And you Hinata?" Sakura asks

"I was trying to catch him?" Hinata tries.

"..."

"Ok" Sakura sighs and reaches for her radio and very politely asks Shino and Ten-ten to feed both the wolves and the birds.

"But Shino won't know how to handle my wolves" Kiba pouts "He works with the bugs! My wolves deserve better!"

"Luckily for you" Sakura says while bandaging his arm extra tight "Shino has had experiences before with wolves.."

"But he doesn't chew up their food like I do!"

Everybody in the room held back a shudder.

"Hey Hinata" Sakura said almost finishing on Kiba's arm "I'll be done soon, you can go change behind the screen and I'll come and fix you up next"

Hinata nodded and made her way behind the white screen where two flat beds were made.

Unbeknownst to her an almost slightly conscious Naruto was in one.

"Hey Sakura! Where the hell am-...Oh hey Hinata...

...Where are you're clothes?"

**A/N: Was writing this as a second draft, the other one I saved with a password... that I forgot, so technically the first draft could have been way better ( or worse) than this one**

**Just a note: Why I am the only one to eat dry muesli? !**

**Its actually really nice. Why does no-one believe me?**

**Chouji's food habits in this are essentially mine.**

**Rock on muesli.**

**With your dryness.**

**Reviews would be cool, but without milk please ;).**


	2. Chapter 2

When you introduce an animal that is not indigenous to the area, it can cause a backlash effect.

In the case of putting Lee with Naruto today.

It meant more than just that.

"Wow! I never knew you could fit an elephant in a spandex suit, Lee!"

"All with the power of youth, and now he matches the monkeys!, Ahh such youthfulness will mean that they will mate in accordance to.."

"Um, Lee"

"Yes?"

"How will they mate _in_ spandex suits..."

...

"Well, I didn't put spandex suits on the _storks_...so we'll be fine Naruto-kun!" Lee says patting Naruto heartily on his back

"But the storks..."

"TO THE PENGUIN EXHIBIT!" Lee bellows before running off into the distance.

Naruto shakes his head, before setting off behind him.

"Stupid Lee, thinking that storks make babies.." He chuckles uncertainly

Before stopping and thinking for a moment

"They don't do they?"

A stork lands next to Naruto.

Naruto stares before his eyes widen in realisation

"Dear god, I think I'm pregnant!"

xx xx

When Ino finds Naruto by the feeding area, later that afternoon she's surprised to say the least.

"...Naruto, what are you..?"

"Oh this?" Naruto smiles unfurling the sling from his arm so that Ino could see.

"This is my child"

"..."

"What?...wait..WHAT?" She gapes looking at the young infant

"How-did-you?"

Chouji comes by to restock the food

"Nice kid Naruto" He nods and Naruto smiles approvingly

"Chouji, that's.."

"Yeah, that's his kid" Chouji says idly reaching into his bag for snacks

"Didn't you know Ino?" He asks nonchalantly biting into his chocolate bar.

Ino gapes for a while at the both of them

"Don't you see! He can't just have a kid! Why can't you see what's wrong with this situation!"

At this point Kiba approaches them, wide eyed and frantic

"What the Hell are you guys doing here!" He exclaims taking them all by the shoulders and pushing them into the other direction

"Everybody's meant to be getting ready for today! I've already dug a pit hole for later!" He says frantically almost pulling out his hair ignoring that No-one knows what he's on about.

"Sakura's going to kill you!" He exclaims waking up the baby

"What's today?" Naruto asks halfheartedly while gently stroking his child's head comfortingly

"What is today? Today is the big Suna meet thingy, with the guys..." He trails off uncertainly

"..Wait what is today?" He adds dumbstruck

Ino sighs looking at the idiots around her to see if anyone but her is in reality "Today is the animal and workers exchange, to try and add to our already J_oyful _team" She says sarcastically looking at everyone around her in disgust, before picking up her bucket and leaving.

Everybody remains silent taking everything in

"Hey nice kid Naruto"

"Thanks Kiba"

xx xx

At around seven, the enclosures are shut up, the people are gone and the ticket booths shut down for the night. The only sign of life is at the front of the gate where the team assembles in line waiting to greet their Suna counterparts.

Sakura paces, tapping her pen on her clipboard as though she's trying to beat the life out of it.

She walks down the line and views everybody critically, often cursing at a loose button or a strand of stray hair, when she reaches Naruto; she's so annoyed she barely registers his child.

Shikamaru trails behind her slowly, trying to avoid her wrath, his role is yet unknown. He yawns and looks at the group idly.

Naruto is rocking his child into a gentle sleep, while Lee watches approvingly from the sidelines,

often giving a hefty thumbs up to the young father and giving rocking techniques.

Kiba is scratching his head rapidly, from fleas or goodness knows what.

Shino is looking for his lost red ants he planned to show.

Chouji is...eating questionable items from a big bucket.

Neji is holding an eagle on his arm.

The eagle looks distressed.

Tenten is cutting the hedge while juggling

While Ino...is throwing things at Sakura and pretending she's being attacked by a swarm of flies

Shikamaru sighs.

They are a sorry bunch

And Sakura seems to agree

"Alright, we need to sort ourselves out!" She bellows to the group upon realisation "Tenten get down, Ino get out, Neji get that thing out, Chouji get Hinata; where the hell is she?

Kiba get away from me and Naruto...is that a _baby_?"

But before she can continue a large truck pulls up followed by some others

The truck stops and the door slams before three people emerge.

But it was the door slam that did it.

Neji's eagle panics and blindly flies off into the distance knocking Tenten off her ladder and trying to claw out her eyes, Neji runs off towards her screaming frantically at the bird. The dropping ladder wakes the baby causing it to scream loudly and Lee and Naruto get into a fight into how to calm it down, in the process knocking Kiba over and the red ants on his head land on Ino. Ino screams and drops the bits of dirt she was throwing at Sakura abruptively into Shino's eyes. Shino screams and runs into Sakura blindly knocking her into Chouji's big bucket. Chouji beats his chest ape man style at the loss of his food. Sakura screams throwing her clipboard at Chouji's head missing and instead aiming it at Shikamaru.

He ducks.

And the board is caught by a pair of perfectly manicured nails

The sand siblings watch anxiously

"So" The female one says turning to Shikamaru "When do we meet your staff?"

Shikamaru sighs

"This is my staff" He says watching as Hinata finally arrives

"I've got some...ah!" Hinata screams as she falls into Kiba's pit hole.

Shikamaru sighs again.

This is going to need a _Lot_ of paperwork

And a _lot _of bandages.

**A/N: As you can tell I wrote this a quite a crack fic stage...oh well! If it's that bad I'll just make the next chapter better.**

**Tell me what you think.**

**|3**

**Or I'll set the eagle on you... (:[)={**

**|3**


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